I loved AA from my very first meeting. It felt like a real homecoming. Having grown up in foster care, I finally found the family that I never had. In my early life, I had some negative experiences with religion and religious people. By the time I arrived in AA, I wanted no part of any rehabilitation program that required a belief in God or any higher power. As a newcomer to AA, these two expressions meant the same thing. People at meetings were saying that this was a spiritual not religious program.

Dry Drunk - Untreated Alcoholism

I made the mistake of rejecting the twelve steps altogether. I continued to go to meetings but I wasn’t interested in being led through the program. I tried to stay sober on fellowship alone. This resulted in a painful dry drunk leading to frequent relapses. Although I was going to meetings every day; some of these relapses almost ended tragically.

Eventually, I fully admitted that I had no power over alcohol. My life was unmanageable drunk or sober. I was completely out of ideas about how to stop drinking and recreate my life.

Practical Alternatives to the God Word

When the pain of sponsoring myself became unbearable, my ego collapsed and I surrendered. With that surrender, I received what is known in AA as the Gift Of Desperation. I found a sponsor and for the first time in my life, I became willing to follow Good Orderly Direction. With my track record of relapse, he was able to convince me that I didn’t need to worry about the God word. He suggested that I make AA itself my higher power (Group Of Drunks). Please see chapter 4 in the book “The suggestions of early recovery”

I began to use these three acronyms for GOD as my new higher powers. They worked! My recovery took off when I became teachable. After so many years of relapse, I admitted that my very best ideas didn’t work to keep me sober. I owed it to myself to try some of the new ideas that I was learning in AA.

“Keep it Simple”

I am very excited to announce the publication of my first book entitled “The twelve steps for agnostics”. It’s an autobiographical account of my journey towards a contented sobriety. I share my experience of working each step as an agnostic.

I was helped enormously by being given simple and practical written assignments on nine of the twelve steps. This written work alleviated my concerns about the God word. It completely demystified the steps. As a non believer, I experienced a gradual non God – centered spiritual awakening. (chapter 18 of the book) It has revolutionized my experience of recovery.

If you have come to AA and are struggling with God or any conception of an invisible higher power, it is my hope that you will find the book a helpful resource. Whether you identify as an agnostic, atheist or freethinker, I invite you to explore this agnostic-friendly interpretation of the twelve steps.

In love and fellowship,

Andy F