A Spiritual Tourist – Part 1
An enquiring agnostic
Undoubtedly, negative experiences in childhood with religion and religious people made it impossible for me to embrace any concept of God or a Higher Power when I first got sober. That said, since getting sober, I developed an interest in New Age and Eastern spirituality. At the time, I didn’t realize that by reading new age books that were not grounded in the belief in God, I was unconsciously working step two. The fact that I was a seeker and looking for a spiritual solution to the madness in my mind did not detract from the fact that I was willing to “come to believe that a power greater than ourselves (me) could restore us (me) to sanity.” (Step Two)
Despite remaining an agnostic, it was almost an organic process that I became a spiritual tourist. Even when I was a child, I had been interested in the supernatural and paranormal. I always hoped that there was more to human existence. Since early childhood, the reality of my disordered mind and conflicted emotions was hard to bear. That’s why I drank. Reality, as I knew it, was too much for me. Although my experiences with religion convinced me there was no God, there just had to be more to life. I wondered what was really going on in the metaphysical world. Absent the existence of God, was there a spiritual dimension that man could tap into and improve his lot?
A non-God-centered search for meaning begins
I had been sober for about a year when I learned that a lot of my peers in recovery were reading “The Road Less Travelled” by M Scott Peck. Of course, I had to read it too. Peck was a well-known psychiatrist and psychotherapist. He was also very supportive of AA. As a movement of spiritually motivated social change, Peck saw the founding of AA as one of the most important events of the 20th century.
Reading his book was the first time that I understood that spiritual growth was possible without believing in God. He wrote many books. They were all game changers in my recovery as an enquiring agnostic in AA. In his follow up book, “Further along the road less travelled,” he presents us with the four stages of spiritual development. They were amazing for me to read. Peck describes a tangible process of spiritual growth without the need to believe in God. This book was a very important milestone in my journey toward a secular spirituality.
Then I read “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay. Not long after that, I read “The Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav. Again, a beautiful book about non-God-centred spirituality and man’s incredible potential as a spiritual being.
As a recovering alcoholic and an agnostic, it would be remiss of me not to mention“The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. Another compelling book that speaks to the spiritual power of learning to live in the present moment. Eckart Tolle has been an inspiration to millions, many of whom are in a twelve-step recovery.
Tolle does not speak about God but about self-awareness or consciousness as being the higher power that leads to personal transformation. There are now so many books available offering people a path to a secular spirituality that these days, people in AA who don’t believe in God are spoilt for choice.
Autobiography of a Yogi
My personal favourite, the book that truly inspired me and piqued my curiosity about the potential of spiritual growth, is “Autobiography of a Yogi” by Paramahansa Yogananda. After reading his book, I became a spiritual tourist and began to visit the ashrams of India. Here was an authentic Yogi trained by a lineage of Gurus going back to Mahavatar Babaji in the Himalayas. Yogananda went to America, where he founded the Self-Realization Fellowship. Its headquarters are in Los Angeles.
Paramahansa Yogananda brought a very dynamic style of meditation from India called Kriya Yoga. His book is beautifully written and inspiring. He mentions his meetings with sages and saints on his many travels. Although he does mention God, he does it in such a non-Catholic way that, at the time, it was palatable for me as an agnostic.
In my mind, Yogananda was a man who, through austere spiritual practices, had expanded his consciousness and had become a transcended master and revered teacher. One can only wonder what can become possible after many years of meditation and self-discipline. Yogananda began to have visions, one of which was of his now deceased Guru, Swami Sri Yukteswar Giri
On one occasion, he had a vision of Christ, which I found very interesting considering he was a yogi, devout Hindu, and had limited exposure to Christianity. Yogananda’s experience is beautifully described in his book.
Conclusion
I used to give myself a hard time for not being able to take steps two and three the way most other people in AA seemed to be doing it. This was by believing in an unseen higher power and handing my will and my life over to God. Although, as an agnostic, my journey with steps two and three may have been unconventional, today, after many years in AA, although still an agnostic, my spiritual journey is authentic, sincere, and works for me.
It is as far removed from religiosity as one could get. Still, my journey continues to give my life purpose, direction, and meaning. Most importantly, it has kept me happily sober now for the last twenty-eight years. When I attend a meeting where people have truly opened up and been honest, it creates a special and beautiful atmosphere. That’s when I know that a higher power is in the room. Call it by whatever name you choose.
In the next blog, which I will call “A Spiritual Tourist – Part 2, I describe how my buddy in AA, Eileen, and I began to make the rounds of all the diverse non-God-centered spiritual organizations from around the world.
As people who had negative experiences with religion, we were both searching for spirituality that would help us with step three. It must be said that we had a lot of fun and learned a great deal about how diverse cultures approached the challenge of a spiritual awakening.
In fellowship
Andy F
