A Spiritual Tourist – Part 2
Two newcomers meet
When I was in early recovery, I met Eileen at an AA meeting. She, too, was in her early days. We immediately felt a connection and soon became buddies. No sexual agenda was present to ruin a good friendship. Like me, Eileen was not only a low-bottom drunk but also an adult child of an alcoholic.
Her whole family was as dysfunctional as mine. To add insult to injury, being Irish, Eileen was a recovering catholic. I was Polish and also a damaged catholic. With so much baggage, as newcomers, we were both as mad as a box of frogs!
Both of us were vulnerable to drinking again, so we went to a lot of meetings. Undoubtedly, AA kept us sober, but we both needed something more. Unconsciously, we were searching for something that would give our crazy and chaotic lives a sense of meaning and direction.
Despite being recovering Catholics, we never stopped being truth seekers. Besides using AA itself as a higher power, both of us were interested in searching for other spiritual powers that would help us with the second step.
So it was that when we weren’t at meetings, we would attend all kinds of spiritual schools in our search for peace and stability.
The Broad Highway
At this stage of the blog, it’s important to mention a quote that Bill W (the co-founder of AA) made regarding the search for a spiritual awakening.
“We feel we are on the broad highway, walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe.”
(BB “Into Action” p. 75)
When I look back at the way Eileen and I became spiritual tourists, attending all these different groups, it doesn’t get more of a “broad highway” than some of the spiritual paths that we went down. Some of them I attended with Eileen, others on my own. Whether with Eileen or alone, they were all interesting and educational experiences.
Diverse spiritual organizations
The Brahma Kumaris – World Spiritual University.
Amaravati Buddhist Monastery –
A part of the Thai Forest Tradition of Buddhism
Friends of the Western Buddhist Order meditation centers
Missionaries of Charity as a volunteer driver
The Self-Realization Fellowship
Thich Nhat Hanh (Zen Buddhism)
Practical Philosophy course (non-academic)
You will notice that some of the organizations were Eastern, while others were Western and Christian. Despite both being recovering Catholics, that didn’t put us off. We went with open, most importantly, sober minds.
I cannot speak for Eileen, but although I did have negative experiences with religion in childhood, I cannot say that I had negative experiences again with that same religion as a recovering alcoholic. I tried to keep my prejudice and judgment to a minimum.
Concerning the faith of my childhood, as a sober drunk and hopefully a bit more mature, I was better able to make informed choices about the spiritual institutions I encountered. As an enquiring agnostic, it felt important for me to become a spiritual seeker and explore various belief systems, philosophies, and practices.
The gift of discernment
I learned a lot about discernment, a spiritual quality that I was taught by a friend. This was an important skill I had to learn to separate the wheat from the chaff on my spiritual journey. I received a clearer sense of which direction to head in. No experience was wasted.
Gradually, all the spiritual institutions and churches I have visited have taught me to follow my own inner truth and intuition. I have had to develop discernment regarding every organization I have been involved with. After my last relapse, faced with the grim prospect of alcoholic self-destruction, I just had to get serious about seeking a spiritual solution to my alcoholism.
“Pertinent idea C” on page 60 of the Big Book States:
“God” (however you come to understand that word) “could and would if he were sought” (it doesn’t say found)
It has now been exactly twenty-eight years since I met Eileen. As enquiring agnostics, we decided to see how far toward a tangible experience of step two we could get. We had so much fun. I can’t speak for Eileen, but I learned so much about myself and what spirituality could mean to an enquiring agnostic.
Eileen always believed that a true spiritual path could never really begin until you chose one path and committed to it. I knew she was right. Speaking for myself, after over a quarter of a century of research, I didn’t find one single school or church that I could commit to. I found them all wanting.
In the next blog, I continue my spiritual quest. I stumbled upon a spiritual line of enquiry that became a huge challenge to my agnosticism.
In fellowship
Andy F
