AA Step Ten Guide: Daily Inventory Worksheet and Tips

Resentment – The “number one” offender

It’s not for nothing that after thirteen years of relapse in AA, I got a sponsor like David B. He was the ideal sponsor for me at the time. David had a unique insight into the alcoholic illness. He sponsored a lot of guys and was the founding member of the somewhat controversial “Vision for You” groups in London. David did not complicate his understanding of the illness or how to treat it. Amongst other symptoms, he saw resentment, blame, and self-pity as major symptoms of the illness.

In his mind, an alcoholic’s dishonesty with themselves was also a core symptom of the illness. Most, if not all, of my relapses, since I came to AA, were in some way connected to resentment, blame, and self-pity. David also saw self-pity itself as a resentment. One pointed outwards while the other pointed inwards. His daily suggestions were designed to overcome resentment and self-pity as quickly and as effectively as possible.

An attitude of gratitude

David agreed with the AA Big Book and saw alcoholism as a “hopeless condition of mind and body.” (BB “There is a solution” p. 20) The very fact that an alcoholic found AA and a way to stop drinking was a cause for heartfelt gratitude. Once sober in AA, David believed that an alcoholic had no business feeling sorry for themselves. He would reinforce this attitude of gratitude by having his sponsees write a daily gratitude list. As much as I sometimes didn’t like doing it, the daily gratitude list was a game-changer in my recovery. I gradually went from a highly negative self-pitying drunk to someone who was genuinely grateful for AA and the gift of sobriety. This was nothing short of a miracle for someone who floundered from one relapse to another, bemoaning the bad deal that life had given me.

The daily gratitude list was one of the daily suggestions that David prescribed to all the guys that he sponsored. It was quite striking to see his sponsees at an AA meeting. They were always well dressed, and seemed happy in their sobriety. Although he understood that many of the guys he was helping had come into recovery with painful consequences from their drinking, he didn’t see it as helpful to allow them to talk too much about their feelings. If you took his daily suggested actions and got involved in AA service, you would navigate difficult feelings without having to pick up the first drink. This approach didn’t necessarily suit everyone, but it worked for me, a serial relapser.

Dealing with day-to-day resentments

David saw it as important to start helping his sponsees begin resolving day-to-day resentments early in their recoveries. In my forty-two years in AA, I have never seen any other sponsor suggest this practice. When David put a sponsee on step four, he automatically put them on step ten. The step ten format is the same as the step four format, which is in five columns. I will show you the template later in the blog. Step ten was to be considered a “live” document. David knew how prone alcoholics were to taking resentments, especially in early sobriety.

This was very true in my case. Resentments would sometimes almost drive me crazy! I would get serious resentments over the most pathetic and unimportant incidents. I was so unwell that, believe it or not, I would get resentments over things that hadn’t even happened yet! This would make me think obsessively about the first drink. The Big Book declares, “nor do twisted thinking and depression vanish in a twinkling” (BB “The Family Afterward” P. 133). I hate to admit it, but in my early days, I was bat shit crazy. I needed the disciplined approach of someone like David B, who believed in taking action to interrupt the madness of untreated alcoholism.

Step Ten in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Later on, in my journey through the steps, I learned that the thing in my character that was causing me to keep taking all these resentments, both real and imagined, was the victim’s belief system that I developed in childhood. Yes, it’s true that when I was a child, I really was a victim of an abusive foster mother. It didn’t, however, do me any favors taking this belief into adulthood. No doubt, this thinking fuelled my drinking.

When David had me carefully study step ten in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, it became clear that I was being invited to give up the victim’s belief system. This was causing so many problems in all my relationships. There was one sentence in the chapter that was at first a bitter pill to swallow. As time has gone by and I have grown in the program, I accept this statement for the truth that it is. It has been another game-changer in my recovery.

“It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.”

Step Ten “!2&12” p. 90

Integrating this idea into my consciousness has meant the difference between repeating self-defeating patterns in relationships and making choices that, over time, have allowed me to enjoy more functional relationships. I still make mistakes with people, but hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Step ten has also gradually taught me to have peace of mind more often. Again, I still make mistakes, but compared to the way my relationships used to be, there has been a big improvement.

The Step Ten Template

For some people in AA, David B’s approach to recovery was viewed as fundamentalist and controversial. I fully agree that his style of recovery isn’t for everyone. But I also believe that when we are ready, we get what we need. I was a hopeless relapser and needed his somewhat ‘hardcore’ approach to the program. I was so out of control with blame, resentment, and self-pity that David’s approach was exactly what I needed to help me stop seeing myself as a blameless victim.

A daily step ten was an important part of the daily discipline that helped to dismantle my victim’s belief system gradually. Step ten has taught me to take responsibility for my part in conflicts with others. This, in turn, is teaching me how to have more functional relationships. Functional and harmonious relationships bring with them more peace of mind. I have found that peace of mind in my sobriety is a priceless gift.

In fellowship

Andy F