An agnostic alcoholic’s encounter with Yeshua
Early life experiences with religion
I grew up in the severe atmosphere of a Catholic household. This was the 1950s, when the Church had yet to make an attempt to make Catholicism more attractive to its faithful. These more positive changes only came about as a result of the Second Vatican Council held in the 1960s.
When I was a child, the Catholic Mass was a dry, formal, and very business-like affair. It was all about the faithful being on their best behavior in the face of a punishing God’s judgment. The Church of my childhood was all about saving ourselves from the prospect of eternal damnation in hell or, at best, eons in purgatory atoning for mistakes made in this life.
Yes, we were taught about the crucified Christ and that he underwent this terrible torture to atone for our sins. How full of guilt we should all feel whenever we fall short of the near-perfect moral ideals that were drummed into us from an early age. Had Jesus endured the agony on the cross for nothing? Whenever we sinned, did we mock his great sacrifice? Was this failure to be without sin to the great satisfaction of the devil, whose hands we had so easily played into? This is the kind of religion I grew up with and which I rejected by the time I was thirteen years old.
A recovering Catholic arrives in AA
In hindsight, it came as no surprise when, upon arriving in AA and seeing the Twelve Steps, I did not believe that any higher power would restore me to sanity. Neither did I feel comfortable making a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understood Him at the time.
Concerning Jesus, the Catholic religion had so shrouded his teaching in fear, guilt, shame, and an all-consuming feeling of unworthiness that, after my religious upbringing, I never bothered to look again into Jesus and what he taught.
An agnostic seeker
Despite the negative way God was presented to me in childhood, when I got sober, I developed an almost natural curiosity about spirituality and mysticism. I became interested in New Age ideas, which didn’t involve believing in a monotheistic God. I was also fascinated by the seers and gurus from the far east. No one can fault me for not being a seeker.
After many years in AA, a book suddenly gained popularity in the London fellowship and began circulating at meetings. It is called “The Sermon on the Mount” by Emmett Fox. I knew from the title that it was about Jesus, as Jesus gave his famous Sermon on the Mount, featured in Matthew’s Gospel in the Bible. “Why are AA members reading material about Jesus?” I thought. People who had read the book said that it offered a powerful way to release resentment. As I was full of resentment because I hadn’t yet done the fourth and fifth steps, I went ahead and bought a copy of the book on Amazon.
The Sermon on the Mount
At first, I thought that The Sermon on the Mount would be very scriptural in its content. I wasn’t looking forward to reading it as I had rejected the Bible when I stopped going to church. But my AA buddies said it was a good read, so I picked it up and started reading. The plain truth is that I couldn’t put it down! Here was a very different Jesus from the Jesus that I was introduced to in the church. Emmett Fox’s interpretation of what Jesus taught during his Sermon on the Mount was mind-blowing.
I had enough spiritual awareness to realize that here was no ordinary teacher. His message through The Beatitudes was so deep, so powerful, and far-reaching that frankly, I was left deeply moved by the profundity of Emmet Fox’s interpretation. His explanation in The Sermon on the Mount is a metaphysical interpretation of the plan of salvation that Jesus taught. If, like me, you consider yourself a spiritual seeker, I recommend reading the book. You can download a free PDF copy here.
A non-religious interpretation of the Christ message
In New Age, non-religious circles, Jesus is often referred to as Yeshua. This is the most accurate Hebrew/Aramaic name for Jesus. I prefer this name as it has a more personal feel to it. These days, YouTube is inundated with content about the actual teachings of Yeshua, which often speak to a spirituality now referred to as Christ consciousness. It offers an entirely different interpretation of the teachings not found in mainstream Christianity. These hidden teachings of Yeshua are resonating with an increasing number of truth seekers.
The first and most radical teaching was revealed in the Gospel of Thomas, also known as the Lost Gospel. This was discovered in 1945 in Nag Hammadi, Egypt, by a local farmer. The discovery consisted of twelve leather-bound papyrus codices. (Please see the image at the head of the blog). The Gospel of Thomas contains 114 sayings attributed to Yeshua and recorded by Thomas the Apostle.
These sayings revolutionize entirely the teaching of Yeshua.
“The Kingdom of Heaven is within you.”
Here is an interesting YouTube presentation about the Gospel of Thomas.
Yeshua – A Jesus for our time
Everything I have come to believe about Yeshua is encapsulated in the last YouTube video that I would like to leave you with.
Steps two and three finally began to make sense. I strongly suspect that it’s a very different interpretation of these two steps than was understood by the Oxford group, Bill Wilson (the co-founder of AA), and the early members. I am so grateful to Jim Burwell, AA’s first atheist. It was on his insistence that Bill agreed to include “as we understand him” at the end of steps three and eleven.
The truth is that I have never been able to come to believe in a religious notion of a power greater than me. Moreover, I have never been able to turn my will and life over to some external God that I was taught in church as a child.
Having listened carefully to these YouTube videos and being convinced by the Gospel of Thomas, I have come to believe that a power greater than myself can and has restored me to sanity. On a day-to-day basis, I make a decision to hand my will and my life over to that limitless power within.
In fellowship
Andy F
The Gospel of Thomas is available here on Amazon
