Half Measures availed us nothing

Big Book “How it works” p.59

At AA meetings worldwide, after the preamble, members are invited to listen to the well-known “How it Works” reading. “Rarely have we seen a person fail.” It ends on page 60 with three pertinent ideas:

a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.

b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

c) That God could and would if He were sought.

As a newcomer and agnostic, very quickly after coming to AA, that entire reading went right over my head. Looking back, it held very little meaning for me, and I viewed it as part of the broader religious canon of AA.

Becoming Teachable

It was only after thirteen years of relapse in AA and several close brushes with death that I received the Gift Of Desperation. Only then did the “How it Works” reading from the Big Book begin to convince me of its absolute importance. “These AAs aren’t messing,” I thought, “this is not some quasi-religious rhetoric; this reading from chapter five should be taken seriously as a life-saving prescription.

By this time, I had a sponsor and was taking suggestions to the best of my ability. As I later discovered, it wasn’t an unconditional surrender at all. It was sponsorship, but it was still very much on my terms. Small wonder I was still relapsing. On the one hand, I was taking my sponsor’s daily suggestions; on the other hand, I was sleeping with a female newcomer without telling him about it. In my sick mind, it was the best I could come up with at the time.

Pertinent ideas B and C

As an agnostic in AA, even the pertinent ideas B and C of the “How it works” reading began to look less daunting.

b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

c) That God could and would if He were sought.

Although I still didn’t believe in the traditional religious idea of God, by this time, I had become interested in New Age spirituality and saw myself as a spiritual seeker

Pertinent idea C says, “that God could and would if He were sought.” It does not say that God could or would if He were found. As far as I was concerned, as long as I was a spiritual seeker, I was very much living in the solution to my alcoholism. Nowhere in the AA literature does it say that you must have found God to stay sober.

A gold nugget – Hidden in plain sight

I began to pay close attention at the readings at the beginning of every meeting. Whenever someone read “How it Works” from Chapter Five, there was one phrase from the reading that went over my head completely. Ignoring it almost cost me my life.  It is easy to miss because Bill inserts it into the main body of the text without clearly explaining its significance and what it means in terms of recovery from alcoholism.

It is, of course, open to personal interpretation. For a serial relapser who nearly lost his life on more than one occasion, I have come to see it as one of the most essential motivational battle cries in the Big Book. It could mean different things to different people. My own experience is that it means what it says and says what it means; especially the last part about half measures ‘availing us nothing.’

“Half measures availed us nothing.” (BB “How it Works” p. 59)

Personal consequences of “Half measures”

The one thing that I am sure about in this AA recovery journey is that we are all different. Yes, some of us may share similar personality traits, but we are all unique individuals. When I describe what happened to me in AA, practicing a “half-measured” attitude to recovery, it is what happened to me. It may not be the experience of other AA members.

1. I was a victim of multiple relapses for over a decade with a “half-measured’ approach to recovery.
2. Although physically dry from alcohol most of the time, mentally, I was full of anger, fear, blame, and self-pity.
3. I had to be on antidepressants to function. There is nothing wrong with taking medication in recovery. Still, once I surrendered entirely to the suggestions of a sponsor and the 12 steps, I was gradually able to come off my meds.
4. I had an underlying feeling of hopelessness.
5. I felt alone (despite being surrounded by friends in AA) and often very lonely.
6. My relationships with others remained dysfunctional.
7. I had no joy or happiness in my sober life, but I remained continuously miserable.

In terms of recovery from the three-fold illness of alcoholism (mental, physical, and spiritual), I was deluding myself, believing that I could get well just by attending lots of AA meetings. I did very little except not drink.

What I have learned is that recovery is not a passive process. Perhaps this is what Bill meant when he said, “Half-measures availed us nothing.” I was hoping that recovery would happen to me through a process of osmosis. It didn’t. In many ways, although physically abstinent most of the time, mentally, emotionally, and as I now see it, spiritually, I got sicker and sicker practicing a half-measured approach to recovery.

Going to any lengths

The day came when I was suddenly faced with a simple choice. Bill Wilson wasn’t joking when he said, “Half measures availed us nothing.” I had nothing to show after years in AA with such a half-hearted attitude. My head was in such a dark place that I suspected that not picking up the first drink would become increasingly more difficult.  

“Those who do not recover are those who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program.”

BB How it works p. 58

My life began to turn around when I got myself a sponsor. David was all about action, action, and more action! He gave all his sponsees daily suggestions that he expected them to follow without reservation. These suggestions demanded discipline.

 What I discovered was that the more diligently I applied myself to performing them, the better and more positive I would feel throughout the day. If, for example, my daily gratitude list was exhaustive, I was pretty much guaranteed not to suffer from bouts of self-pity throughout the day.

Compliance – doomed to failure

So, it was with every other aspect of my recovery and the suggested program. The more I trusted my sponsor, the more positive I felt. I had always been well-versed in the manipulative skill of compliance with a sponsor’s suggestions. That hadn’t worked. Then, a friend in recovery told me, “Obedience” Andy, “not compliance is the key.” My recovery needed this all-or-nothing approach for a while if I wanted to get off the “Half measures” merry-go-round.

Putting aside my physical addiction to alcohol, I have come to view my alcoholism as a mental health issue. It required a radical, task-focused solution. Now, as a sponsor myself, those that I help who continue to struggle are those who are, on some level, continuing to be half-measured about their recovery.

Everything is more important than meetings and the suggested program. There is no judgment here because I have spent years doing the same thing. Do they listen to my hard-won experience? Not always. They still seem to know better. Until, of course, they are in enough pain to become genuinely teachable!

Twelve Steps to Freedom

Ultimately, of course, it is the twelve steps themselves that are the passport to freedom and the Twelve Promises. (pages 83 and 84). It is worth concluding with the entire short paragraph, which contains the all-important statement about “Half-measures.”

It is a fitting way to end the blog. May it serve as a timely reminder to all of us afflicted with the alcoholic illness that even as an agnostic or atheist, if you make AA itself your higher power, the twelve steps will offer you a solution to this “hopeless condition of mind and body.” (BB There is a solution p.20)

“Half-measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His (or AA’s) protection and care with complete abandon.

         Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery……………”

(BB How it works p. 59)

In fellowship

Andy F