Secular 12 Steps

The shock of early sobriety

My name is Andy, and I am an alcoholic. I attended my first meeting in London on May 15, 1984. I believe I was an alcoholic from my first drink at the age of thirteen. With the help of AA, I was able to arrest my addiction. Early sobriety came as a shock. Life without alcohol felt very overwhelming. Mentally and emotionally, I was a complete mess.

My family doctor referred me to the local mental health team. Following a psychiatric assessment, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder on top of my alcoholism. To stabilize my dramatic mood swings, I was prescribed medication and continued to attend AA meetings.

I had no interest in the Twelve Steps. In childhood, I had negative experiences with religion and religious people. As far as I was concerned, there was no God, and religion was all just hypocritical nonsense. In those early days, I was so unstable that despite spending money on counselors and therapists, I kept picking up the first drink again and again. In those days, I knew nothing about secular AA.

Some ‘Top Gun’ agnostic-friendly sponsors

After many years as a serial relapser, I finally got lucky. I met a seasoned and experienced old-timer known as David B. He sponsored many guys in AA. I asked him for help and wasted no time in telling him that I didn’t believe in God. He told me not to worry about that. As long as I was willing to remain teachable and follow his suggestions, he was happy to take me through the program.

David’s interpretation of steps two and three was a game-changer for an agnostic like me. It was the first time in recovery that a respected old-timer told me I didn’t need to believe in God for the 12 steps to work. I stayed with David for about two years. He helped me a lot with his suggestions, but we eventually fell out over a personal matter.

Not long after, I met Jamie, another agnostic-friendly old-timer from LA. His position on Steps two and three was very similar to David’s. He did, however, suggest I rewrite my fourth step. He believed in the format that Bill describes in Chapter 5 of the Big Book. I’m glad he did that because that was also a game-changer in my recovery. I believed I had a right to be angry about my childhood, which had always been the primary trigger whenever I picked up the first drink.

I promised Jamie I wouldn’t get involved in a romantic relationship, but I broke my promise. We, too, ended our collaboration. I finished the program with another sponsor from Poland called Witek. The result of all the steps was nothing short of spectacular. At no point did I have to turn my will and my life over to God or ask him to remove my shortcomings; I wondered how many atheists and agnostic members in AA may benefit from the experience I had with these old-timers.

Twelve Steps for Agnostics

Using the best of what I learned from my agnostic-friendly sponsors, I decided to write The Twelve Steps for Agnostics. There is no question that for many years in AA, I was a hopeless case. If this agnostic interpretation of the twelve steps could help a guy like me, then there must be hope that it could help other non-believers struggling in AA.

Recently, I created an audio version of the book, which is now available on my website. Audiobooks are becoming increasingly popular and are certainly a convenient and enjoyable way to learn more about recovery.

Please click this link to listen to a sample of the audiobook

In September of last year, I celebrated 28 years clean and sober. What a testament to the agnostic interpretation of the steps I received from the sponsors I’ve had. I have little doubt that these men saved my life. The least I could do was record what I learned from them in a book.

The power of the steps goes deep, even for an agnostic.

What is also truly amazing about the power of the twelve steps is that I was able to come off my medication. I have all but recovered from the symptoms of my coexisting personality disorder. I hope other AA members who may be struggling with sobriety because they don’t believe in God may benefit from my experience with the old-timers who showed me the path to freedom.

In fellowship,

Andy F