Step 11 Without God: How Agnostics and Atheists Can Practice Step 11 in AA
A militant agnostic
Those readers who are familiar with my content will know that when I first arrived in AA, my prejudice and resentment towards all things religious were the central themes of all of my content. Even though I arrived in the fellowship as a drunk in desperate need of whatever help was on offer, I rejected the 12 steps as a matter of principle. To me it was all a bunch of religious nonsense. I couldn’t see what God or some higher power had to do with not drinking. This applied to all the other steps that mention God or a higher power; step 11 was no exception.
I mention my intolerance of the God word in the 12 steps because I would like to save other atheists and agnostics the trouble of making the same mistakes that I did. I was an alcoholic who was very angry and bitter about my childhood. When I got to AA, I went into therapy believing that it would help me resolve the memories I was unable to let go of. Therapy didn’t help me, and I continued to relapse. Ironically, the only thing that eventually helped me overcome the wounds of my childhood was the 12 steps.
An agnostic is shown the way
Eventually, I met a seasoned old-timer who, although a practicing Catholic, was happy to take on and work with someone like me who didn’t believe in God. He had a whole repertoire of interventions that he used on his sponsees who were atheists and agnostics. The first of these was the suggestion of using AA itself as a higher power. I had never heard this idea before, but on reflection, it made perfect sense. He pointed me to page 27 of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions and showed me what was written there. Seeing the quote, I became convinced that I could make use of this suggestion.
These were words written by Bill Wilson himself, AA’s co-founder. If they came from his pen, they were good enough for me.
“You can, if you wish, make AA itself your ‘higher power.’ Here’s a very large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. In this respect, they are certainly a power greater than you, who have not even come close to a solution.”
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions “Step Two,” p. 27
Prayer
By the time I changed my attitude about sponsorship, I had thirteen years of relapse to show for my refusal to become teachable. I certainly had the Gift Of Desperation (GOD) when I asked for help. My then sponsor insisted that all his sponsees get on their knees every morning and pray for a sober day. I was so frightened of drinking again that I complied with his wishes. As an agnostic, he suggested I pray to the collective power of AA, a Group Of Drunks. (GOD) Although I couldn’t deny that AA was a power greater than me, praying to AA felt weird and inauthentic. It didn’t work, and I continued to relapse. Eventually, that sponsor cut me loose.
Later on, I had a sponsor who was more liberal on the issue of prayer. He had his sponsees try praying for three months. If they felt no conscious contact after that period, they were to abandon the practice and to continue with the rest of the program using AA as their higher power. In his mind, AA was founded almost 100 years ago. In those days, formal religious practices were all that the early AA members had. Now, times had changed. There were now numerous paths to secular spirituality. Formal prayer was no longer necessarily viewed as a step towards spiritual transformation.
This particular sponsor has successfully led many people through the 12 steps. He doesn’t believe that prayer is an essential tool of recovery. Rather, he believes that AA is a program of action. That action is all about clearing away the wreckage of your past and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
“Hands that serve…..”
Although I rejected the Catholic religion of my childhood, I became interested in the spirituality of the Far East after reading Autobiography of a Yogi. I became fascinated by the holy men of India and the remote Buddhist monasteries of Tibet. When I was in India, I visited an ashram of the well-known Indian guru Sathya Sai Baba. It was a very memorable experience. There was a huge banyan tree on the ashram known as the meditation tree. On the tree was a sign that read, “Hands that serve are holier than lips that pray.” As an agnostic in AA, this declaration made a big impression on me.
This sign on the meditation tree reassured me that if I felt unable to believe in and pray to a monotheistic God but was able to do service in AA and help and support newcomers in finding their way, then I was making a big investment in my own recovery and, in all likelihood, a spiritual awakening. The trip to India was awesome, and seeing that notice pinned to the banyan tree was certainly a highlight.
Meditation
It is absolutely unnecessary to believe in God for meditation to be a powerful tool for personal and spiritual transformation. It is estimated that there are between 320 and 500 million Buddhists worldwide. Buddhists do not believe in God but rather in the potential for every human being to become like the Buddha himself and attain enlightenment.
A big part of the Buddhist spiritual practice is meditation. Various techniques Buddhists use: – The most popular and widely used is mindfulness of breathing, or Anapanasati, which is Pali and was the language of the Buddha. Another powerful technique practiced by Buddhists is Vipassana meditation. Courses in Vipassana meditation are offered worldwide as 10-day retreats. The cost is by donation, based on how much value you felt the course provided. I did the Vipassana course some years ago, and I won’t lie, it is quite challenging because you spend many hours a day in meditation, but it is also very powerful. You gain a lot of self-discipline and learn a lot about yourself.
Zen Buddhism
Another popular meditation teacher who came to the West was a Zen Buddhist monk from Vietnam. His name was Thich Nhat Hanh. He also taught a mindfulness-of-breathing practice and has written many books. He has been very influential in bringing Buddhist philosophy to the Western world.
Many practitioners of Buddhist meditation have described it as a practice of mind training. For many, it gradually brings far more than control over unwanted and intrusive thinking. It brings a profound sense of inner peace, which some have described as a spiritual awakening. It has nothing to do with a belief in God or adherence to Western religious beliefs. Let us not forget the core of AA’s philosophy.
AA is a spiritual, not religious, program.
In fellowship
Andy F
