What is an AA sponsor?
My Polish sponsor, “Meszuge”
I was 25 years sober when I first met Witold (pronounced Vitold) in London. Witold is also known as ‘Meszuge.’* This is the pseudonym he uses as an author and blogger. Witold wrote several books about recovery from alcoholism using the Twelve-Step approach. His books are popular in the Polish fellowship.
Witold was invited to London to speak at a Step and Traditions workshop. Being of Polish descent and a Polish speaker myself, a member of the organising committee asked me to put him up in my flat during the weekend workshop. I had recently lost my mother and ended a long-term relationship, so I was not in a great place. It had been several years since I had a sponsor, so despite remaining sober, I had deteriorated since my last journey through the steps.
An instant connection
I felt an instant connection with Witold. When he flew back to Poland, I took his phone number and called him a few days later. I asked him for sponsorship, and using Skype, he took me through the twelve steps again. With Witold’s support, I started to enjoy life again. I will be forever grateful for his help. He is a wise and experienced sober alcoholic who successfully took me through the program as an agnostic.
I recently read one of the blogs on his page. I asked him if I could translate it into English. He gave his permission, so I am publishing it on my website. Here is the translated blog. I hope you enjoy it.
*‘Meszuge’ or ‘Meshugeneh’ is a term, from Yiddish, meaning senseless, crazy, or a foolish person. It is an adjective describing something or someone as crazy or impractical, and it can also be used as a noun to refer to a madman or a crazy person. There is also a well-known book called “Meszuge” by Isaac Singer. – Gemini AI
Witold’s Blog
What is an AA sponsor?
“For the thirty-ninth time, more or less, I heard the statement: “My sponsor doesn’t have time for me!” I thought I’d write something about it. I do so again, because I’ve already written about sponsorship.
About a dozen years ago, when the demand for sponsors in my city was at its peak, I was helping five people at the same time. Somehow, I managed because I was no longer working in my profession, and the dust had long settled after my marriage. Still, I also decided that I would never get myself into something like that again.
I had no previous experience, so I didn’t realize that sponsorship is a challenging service that requires a lot of effort, attentiveness, a good memory, knowledge of AA literature, commitment, patience, empathy, honesty, kindness, and a few other things. I decided that quality was more important than quantity, and that when someone’s life was at stake, I could not accept mediocrity and superficiality. And so I wrote down a few essential points.
Giving time to your sponsee
The time devoted to this service, as mentioned at the beginning. If you’re unable to spend time with your sponsee for any reason, consider referring newcomers to someone who does. Don’t pretend to be a sponsor. It’s not about them being able to call their sponsor in the middle of the night, but simply about availability. If a sponsor sets aside two hours once a week for their sponsee, then availability is virtually non-existent. Nor is it about meaningful and responsible sponsorship. Availability does not mean a complete lack of boundaries.
Active listening
Learn to listen. If you intend to suggest certain recovery attitudes and behaviors during your collaboration, first learn to listen actively and with understanding. Suppose you don’t listen (e.g., because you already know everything) and only give orders. In that case, you are not creating a safe, understanding atmosphere. You may have dominating control over your sponsee, but you are not necessarily supportive.
Creating a safe space
Being threatening and intimidating is not allowed in AA. We have already discussed a safe and friendly atmosphere. Yes, some situations are complicated. I had a sponsee who did only five percent of what I suggested, and even that wasn’t always the case. I told him with concern in my voice that if things continued like this, I would not be able to help him. He may need a sponsor with specialized experience. Still, I’m unable to modify my own style of sponsorship to meet his needs. Perhaps he should talk to Jan, who happens to be free and may have had different experiences.
I kept telling my sponsees that they probably wouldn’t repeat my successes (if in fact I had any), because they have their own lives and ideas. That said, I hope they don’t repeat my mistakes. For sponsorship to work, I had to talk clearly about my mistakes. Yes, sponsees learn from my own mistakes.
Encouraging service
It is essential to encourage service at various levels of the AA structure. Encouraging and explaining the benefits of service, rather than giving orders. It may be different for you, but in our local AA, service is entrusted by the group, not decided by the alcoholic’s sponsor, let alone the alcoholic himself. The sponsee gradually surrenders his rampant self-will when arriving at Step Three.
Knowing the AA literature
If you want to pass on the Program, you must know it, understand it, and have a sense of it in your soul. Those who have it will know it and understand it. The experiences of Alcoholics Anonymous, which are sometimes heard at meetings but mainly contained in AA books, are essential here. I learned from my sponsor: we in AA should know the literature. It still makes sense and is necessary.
Practicing patience
Try to be patient. I recall how, after years of experience, I started to view certain things as obvious and straightforward. Perhaps they were… for me, but not necessarily for my sponsee, who is a newcomer.
Playing God
Be careful not to fall into the trap of playing God. As a sponsor, I am an alcoholic in AA who passes on the Program, not a consultant in family counselling and psychology. Neither can I give advice on employment law or medical issues, such as suggesting whether a sponsee should or shouldn’t be using prescribed medication. I should avoid giving advice about vehicle mechanics, tax systems, politics, religion, etc. This does not mean that it is forbidden to talk about such things. Sometimes, one should be wary of giving advice, and especially of imposing personal beliefs.
Loving kindness
When working with a sponsee, be guided by kindness, their interests, and their capabilities.
I assure you, with full responsibility for what I am saying, that not everyone in AA has to be a sponsor. There are alcoholics who, for some reason, should not take on this task. Fortunately, there are many service positions to perform in AA. If you want to be helpful, you will find something for yourself that will benefit others.”
With thanks to Witold
Andy F
If you are a Polish speaker, please click the link to read the blog in Polish.
